if theres gonna be tears, let it be tears of joy.

dear daddy and mummy,thankyou for celebrating my birthday with me on the actual night! its a pleasant surprise for me to get home at 2330hr to see that you're actually waiting for me to come home- so you can bring out the birthday cake and sing the happy birthday song for me!! sorry mummy i know you're really sleepy becos you usually sleep at 2230hr, but for me, you actually 'bunked in' my brother's room to stay awake while waiting for me to be home! im soo super touch! ♥ you all k my dearest family! mwack! i know that i haven been a good daughter all these time where i'll owas want to spend my birthday, christmas and every other special occasions outside with my friends. but i promise, i will try to spend more time with you all! because after the love and celebrations ive enjoyed with my families and friends, i feel that im not alone at all. i have all you lovely people around me but its just that this year, i was soo blinded by sadness that i didnt see how blessed i actually am to have you all in my life. i feel so soo stupid that i let myself emo almost every night ever since may. cos somehow, its the first time ive experienced a breakup, and the feeling of being abandoned. its haunting me every night- that the person who was so nice and loved me before no longer wants me. and no matter how i try to tell myself its ok, everything will be ok and i should just be happy, i cant. i just let my emotions lead me and it turned out to be terrible? like making a mess out of myself? and now, on my birthday, many many friends wished me happy birthday and there are those messages that made me feel so bitter-heart for myself. 'that 2010 has been a rough year for me, a year of lessons learnt, a year of tears shed' 'that i should stay happy and never let that smile slip from my face!' :'( sorry friends that i made you all worried. SORRY! and sorry to myself that i kept brooding over what i dont have and not cherish the many things that ive already had. and like what weiwei said, so what if this year had been tough for me, have an awesome 22nd birthday! yea, so what- about those loneliness ive felt over these few months, i have so many great friends and mummy and daddy and korkor to be there for me. you are the people who have loved me unconditionally, providing everything i need for me and satisfying my every whims. you are the people who have never given up on me no matter how i sometimes disappoint you all with the things i do. you are the ones who give me a warm home to return to no matter how tired i am from school or upset outside. and you are the ones who will never ever abandon me. wait for me ok daddy and mummy, i will definitely graduate smoothly this time round and not let you both worry for me anymore. theres this saying that 'god determines who walks into your life but you determine who to keep in it' my close friends, you know who you are! (: my favourite awesome possums, bffs, etc...eunice siying siping&shaun yizhen&seng wenting&brendon wengyin weiwei terence tay song buck hongquan and the rest of the uni clique, shinye and the rest of the jc clique, laihock choonyew sandy john jason szekai desmond yanan jeannette dongping and yangchih we're all gonna be friends forever i dont care! (:(:(:

ps: im super duper looking forward to my family get together xmas celebration this sunday ^^ its soo heartwarming that we're all doing christmas shopping to get presents for each other ♥ ! cos i was at bugis and my mum and bro and my aunt as well happened to be shopping there and my aunt made me chose my xmas gift on the spot and so we ended up shopping altogether to settle the gifts for the kids and ahgong ahma and this was soo freaking tiring but we're all happy faced! its all about the joy of choosing the present for the person and hoping it would bring a smile to the receiver (: