im sorry

i wanna say sorry to myself, sorry, that my appetite had been really bad recently and taking too much soild food now makes me feel like vomitting. theres this nausea feeling at my throat and stomach constantly and its really bad. wheres the gluttony me few months back? -the piggy who never stops craving for this food and that food that i have to go for jogs to burn those extra calories....the piggy who always managed to clean up her plates and not even waste a single grain of rice no matter how much food she'd ordered....the piggy who pats her round tummy happily after each meal while thinking of what to eat next though shes like how full already?!! well, i really need to get back on my regular meals and not survive on liquid and milk only. i want to enjoy food again, really really....and so, im really sorry, and im trying already.

and yup gary and i werent together anymore. for what reason, i have no idea. he just dont want me anymore. this week had been terrible for me. really terrible. i feel so alone, especially at night. its so quiet and id rather just dissolve into thin air rather than keep on living and breathing and continuing this misery. i didnt know it'll be this hard to get over someone. especially when its someone whom youve care for all along, someone you love. i just cant keep my mind off him. im thankful for friends who had kept me company throughout- whenever they can. thankyou and i appreciate it. really. well, when im out, most of the time im just stoning away, otherwise, i'll be crying. theres just so many things that make me miss him. a word that trigger things that we've shared before, a song, or even seeing couples hugging on the escalator....i even thought of ways to die cause my heart seriously cant take this abrupt change that he dont want me anymore. at least give me a reason, just so i can move on.

so, it was only a month ago that you posted me the video- i'll be loving you forever by NKOTB, and you smsed me: "Dear u must wait for me ok...Once i get my life sorted out i'll be that loving bf youve ever dreamt of :-)" together with all your other nice nice smses for me, ive neatly saved them in my phone. and everything was going on fine between us. even during my exam month that just passed, i warned you that i'll be cranky and will definitely behave weirdly while i go crazy from all those revision so you just have to put up with me no matter what i do till exams are over for me. you promised me you would. but look at what happened. wheres our forever that you keep reminding me of. you said to hold on to my hand as long as i hold on to yours. but youve let go of me now. the promises we shared, all gone, gone with your feelings. and what about my feelings?